


Falling For U

by Waxolotl



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Best Friends, High School, JunHao is mentioned, M/M, Mansae Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:41:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23431093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Waxolotl/pseuds/Waxolotl
Summary: Joshua Hong is a Korean that has lived in America for all his life. He and his mother move back to his homeland to take care of his ailing grandmother, and Joshua enrolls in the Seoul Arts High School, where he tries to befriend edgy loner Yoon Jeonghan. Though the two initially butt heads, they eventually form an unbreakable friendship, or maybe something more?
Relationships: Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Yoon Jeonghan
Comments: 2
Kudos: 33





	1. I worried a lot, if I should talk to u or not

Staring at his best friend and the love of his life right before getting on the next flight to Los Angeles, Joshua remembered the day he met the man who would change his life forever. 

High school in South Korea was the thing that Joshua Hong dreaded the most. Though his mother reassured him that it would be okay on the way to his first day one spring morning, a feeling in his gut told him he would make a grave mistake today. If it’s anything like it is in America, he thought to himself, I’m gonna hate it here. Joshua spent the first 15 years of his life in LA, studying in an American public school. Despite his good looks and charming personality, he had to deal with bullying and slurs daily on account of his Korean ethnicity. As a result, Joshua spent the majority of life trying to make himself as bully-proof as possible. He never talked about his fondness for music, reading, or video games, for fear of falling into the stereotype of the nerdy Asian kid. He even intentionally dropped his scores in fifth grade when people started noticing how studious he was. He also made sure that his physical image was at its peak, always making sure to dress in trendy outfits and never going a day in his life without putting some product in his hair. His mom would always nag him about how those were bad for his scalp, especially the auburn color that was now running through his naturally black locks, but he knew that image mattered more than anything. He had the brown color dyed in the moment he found out that it was a popular trend at the Seoul Arts High School.

“Call me when you need to be picked up okay, Josh? I’ll just be doing some errands for grandma anyway.” his mom said as she pulled over in front of the daunting gates of his new hell.

“I’ll be fine mom, I can walk” Joshua replied, looking out the window and waiting for the other students to go in before he exited . 

“Are you sure you’ll manage?? Why don’t you bring an umbrella then?”

“Ugh, mom the skies are clear, stop worrying so much” he responded, annoyed at his mother’s nagging. 

“Well alright then, please promise me you’ll call if something happens okay? I love you lots!”

“Yeah sure, I love you too, mom.” And with that, he nervously stepped through the unfamiliar gates, listening to the sound of his mother driving away behind him. As he was following the signs to his classroom, Joshua went over his game plan. He would have to try and befriend the coolest-looking guy in class to get even an ounce of credibility. As he opened the door to the room labelled 1-A, his heart fell into his stomach. Uproarious laughter and loud conversation immediately greeted his ears, his many classmates already huddled in groups and talking leisurely to one another. Oh God, Joshua thought to himself, they all know each other. Panicking, his eyes darted around the classroom trying to survey his surroundings. Almost immediately, he noticed that the group of girls in his class were whispering to one another while occasionally looking towards the back of the room, at the seat next to the window. Following their gaze, his eyes landed on a figure with long blue-gray hair, with a gray boys’ uniform, similar to his own. The mysterious boy was staring out the window, lost in thought, the sunbeams making him look even more ethereal. Joshua made a beeline towards the empty seat next to him, setting his own bag down in the aisle. The sudden commotion broke the angel-like boy’s train of thought, causing him to remove one of his earphones and turn towards the new student who was the cause of the disturbance. Seeing his face made Joshua’s heart skip a beat and he instantly understood why all the girls were looking at him. The way his shoulder-length hair fell over one of his eyes, his imposing yet beautiful features, the ribbon tie hanging loosely around the open collar of his button down shirt. “Can I help you??” he spoke with a voice that sounded as scary as it was beautiful, obviously annoyed that this stranger had suddenly broken his peace. 

Joshua realized he was probably staring at his face a little too long, and turned his eyes towards the big black name tag on the stranger’s jacket. “Uhmm hi there! I’m Joshua,” the intruder replied, reaching a hand out. “you’re Jeonghan right? I couldn’t help but see your name tag. Can I sit next to you?”

Without as much as an acknowledgement, Jeonghan placed the earphone back in his ear and turned to look out the window once again. Joshua was speechless, and decided to just sit down and settle himself before classes began. A few minutes of dead silence between them later, and their homeroom teacher finally walked in. Introductions passed by quickly, with plenty of inside jokes between the students who were already friends from before, jokes that Joshua couldn’t understand. When it was his turn to speak, quite a few of them were staring intently, in awe that he had lived in America up until now. There was another student, Vernon, who was also born in the States, but apparently being fresh off the boat had a different effect. When he was done talking, Joshua sat down, smiling at the thought that maybe this was the start of him becoming liked in class for once. The happiness on his face was immediately wiped off his face when the boy in front of him turned around and commented. “America, huh? Good luck fitting in, I can’t even tell you how long it took for Vernon to stop being singled out.” Wonwoo said, smirking. Those words were enough to kill all of Joshua’s hopes. The orientation and all the classes afterwards passed by in a blur for him, despair clouding all of his senses and making him feel sick. When the day had ended, he called his mom, and she drove to pick him up right away, sensing something was wrong. For once he was thankful for how much she worried about him, since he didn’t have the energy to walk home on his own. When the familiar sedan pulled up in front of him, he opened the door and slumped in the passenger seat, not even bothering to toss his bag in the back. “Are you okay honey what’s wrong?” His mother said with a deeply concerned tone. 

“I don’t really wanna talk about it, can we just go home please?” The 15-year-old replied weakly. She wanted to ask him more, but sensing that he must have had a bad day in school, she decided against it and started the drive back home. Midway through the drive, Joshua suddenly spoke up, albeit still in a weak voice. “Mom, why did we have to move to Korea?”

“Josh, we’ve been over this plenty of times,” his mother sighed, “your grandmother is really sick and we need to be here so I can take care of her. I know it must be tough to have to adjust to a new school, but please hold on okay?” She shot him a brief glance before looking back to the road, the worry obvious in her eyes. Once they arrived home, Joshua went straight up his room and locked the door, not even opening it to come down for dinner that night.


	2. As I hide my scared heart, I will look for you

The next morning, Joshua was back to formulating game plans. Though his heart was still heavy from Jeonghan’s comments the day before, he knew he couldn’t waste any time if he wanted a chance at a decent school year. He decided that it would probably be easier to try and befriend Vernon, thinking that his fellow immigrant could possibly be more empathetic of his situation. This seemed challenging to Joshua though, since Vernon’s group of friends came off very intimidating. Seungkwan and Dino were the two rowdiest boys in the class when Joshua first entered, and he didn’t do too well with those kinds of people. Just in case things didn’t go well again, he came up with a backup plan. Because of his constant image building in America, Joshua was very good at flirting with girls. Though he never really seemed to be as into it as they were, he always knew the right thing to say to get them to fall for him. Content that this time for sure at least one of his plans would be a success, he hopped out of his mom’s car and strutted confidently through the school gates.

Once again opening the door to his classroom with cold, anxious hands, Joshua noticed a sudden change in the scenery. It was much less noisy than the day before, and his brooding seatmate was no longer staring out the window, but instead across the room near the door he had just entered. In fact, almost all of the guys seemed to be looking at the same spot. Following where their eyes led, Joshua’s gaze fell upon the object of their affection. Seated less than two meters from where he stood was probably one of the most beautiful women he’d seen since he moved to Korea, with a doll-like face and wavy black hair carefully tucked so it fell over her left shoulder. He didn’t feel any attraction, but he certainly understood why everyone was staring at her. The girls’ uniforms didn’t have the same big name tags on them, but he recalled from the past day’s introduction that her name was Haeju. His concentration on her features was broken by a familiar threatening voice ringing out from the back of the room. “Hey Joshua, come here.” Jeonghan commanded, loud enough for the whole class to turn to him, then to the frozen Joshua standing at the front. He immediately followed, embarrassed at the amount of attention his seatmate drew to him. Their gazes followed him as he hurriedly set down his bag and sat in his chair from the day before, then they turned back to their circles and proceeded to murmur just quiet enough for him to not understand what they were saying. “What the hell was that for, why’d you call me out so loudly??” Joshua protested in a hushed tone, annoyed that Jeonghan drove a wedge in his plans once again.

“Yeah yeah whatever, isn’t wanting to be noticed the reason you sat here yesterday?”

Flustered at being found out, Joshua lied “what no, of course not! Why did you even call me anyway? You weren’t this enthusiastic yesterday!”

“Huh?? Probably cause you disturbed my thinking, dumbass.” The long-haired boy scoffed, “anyway, you a ladies man?”

“What kind of question is that?” 

“The normal kind??” Jeonghan shrugged, “what do you think of that girl by the door?” He continued, pointing to the black-haired girl.

“Haeju? You’re into her?”

“And you’re not?”

“Not my type I guess.”

“Good then, that means you can be my wingman.” 

“Wingman? For you?? Besides, you’re not gonna get anyone to fall for you when you act like an asshole all day.” Joshua scoffed at the former’s idea.

“What? People think I’m an asshole?” he replied, uncharacteristically soft spoken now.

“Well I thought so with the way you were being a dick to me yesterday!” 

“Oh… sorry, I guess I came on too strong huh?” 

Speechless, Joshua was unable to reply before the bell rang, signifying the start of the day. Throughout the day, he learned that Jeonghan was much like him, he moved to Seoul from Hwaseong with his parents, who were searching for better opportunities in the capital. After class, Jeonghan offered to walk him home, since he lived nearby and knew the neighborhood a bit. After a while of walking however, the ominous dark clouds began to block out the sunlight, and it simultaneously became obvious that Jeonghan was lost. With the rain starting to pour, the two new friends decided to take shelter in a convenience store that they passed by a few minutes earlier, the smell of instant coffee greeting them as they hurried inside. “Ugh sorry, all the streets look the same around here.” Jeonghan said, embarrassed at his mishap. 

“Yeah it’s okay, good thing this store was nearby when it started to rain huh?” Joshua replied. Although he was a little annoyed at the inconvenience, he couldn’t really criticize, since he wasn’t familiar with the way to his house either. While they were there, they decided to buy some cola and instant noodles. Settling on the stools facing out the window with their snacks, they looked out to the downpour that was causing puddles in the street. “Looks like we’re gonna be here a while…” Joshua commented, pulling out his phone to text his mom that he would be home late.

“Yeah...” Jeonghan replied while stirring his cup of noodles. “By the way, I’ve been curious. How come I didn’t see you at lunch yesterday?”

“Oh…” It took Joshua a while to reply, “I didn’t feel that hungry so I just sat by the field.”

Jeonghan looked at his seatmate, studying him with a worried look on his face. Though he knew that it was something more than that, he decided against prying. “Ugh well, I was planning to ask for your advice since Haeju was sitting alone too but I didn’t know how to approach her…”

“You’re really serious about going after her?”

“Yeah, I know everyone thinks so too, but I really find her cute okay.” His embarrassment was obvious, even with his bluish locks fell and covered half of his face. Jeonghan clearly wasn’t used to admitting his feelings about other people, and the sight of him squirming at his own words made Joshua let out a chuckle. “Hey man! I’m really pouring out my feelings to you, what are you laughing at huh?” His tough guy facade was back on, much similar to the way he talked the day before.

“Relax dude, it’s just funny to see you fall apart like this over a girl, really doesn’t suit the image you’re going for” Joshua replied, still laughing a bit at the notion. “But if you’re really serious about this, I’ll do what I can to help.” 

“Phew, thanks man.” Jeonghan let his shoulders slump a bit and brushed his hair out of his face before taking a sip of his cola. 

When they noticed that the sounds of the rain had subsided, they both looked out the window to see that the sun was already setting. Asking for directions to get back on track, the two set out on their way again. Looking up at the now dark sky, they noticed a few evening stars starting to appear, dotting the dark blue expanse with their twinkling light. “Huh, even in a big city like this, there’s still a few stars.” Jeonghan remarked, “still nothing compared to the view back in Hwaseong though.”

“Sounds pretty nice,” Joshua replied, “The only time I’ve ever gotten to see stars was when I used to go on road trips with my family, and when I turn on the astro lamp in my room I guess.”

“Your what??” the former blurted out, laughing loudly.

“An astro lamp! You know like it projects the stars on your ceiling!” Joshua defended, a little bit embarrassed. “I really like looking at the stars okay!”

Jeonghan’s laughter continued to echo off the apartment buildings as they walked down the street. If he weren’t the one that was being laughed at, Joshua probably wouldn’t have minded. His laugh was soothing to the ear, almost melodic in its sincere expression of happiness that didn’t expose itself to many people. Joshua learned throughout the day that his new friend rarely ever let his true feelings be seen, but when he did, he looked at peace. “Alright, this is my place.” he said, pointing at the apartment building where he stayed with his mother. “See you at school tomorrow?”

“Looking forward to it.” Jeonghan smiled, before continuing towards his own home.


	3. Shy but sensitive girl, be mine now my lady

Much to his surprise, Joshua was able to settle into a routine at school. A few days after his walk home with Jeonghan that one rainy day, Vernon noticed that the duo were the only ones sitting at a mostly empty table near the back of the cafeteria. “Yo! You’re the one who also came here from America right, Joshua was it?” The brown-haired Korean-American addressed him.

“Yeah, you’re Vernon right? This is Jeonghan.” Joshua replied, gesturing to his friend who was eating quietly next to him.

“Hey man, I’m Vernon.” He extended his hand out, but Jeonghan merely tipped his chin up in acknowledgement.

“Sorry about that, he doesn’t really do too well with new people.” Joshua apologized on behalf of his friend. “Do you guys wanna sit with us?” He continued, noticing the three other boys who gathered behind their new acquaintance. 

“If it’s cool with you guys! These three are Seokmin, Seungkwan, and Chan.” The three newcomers greeted the two, and soon all of them were seated at the round table. Joshua noticed that Seokmin and Chan’s nametags had different names on them. “Oh yeah, they put DK and Dino” Vernon explained, “since they said it would be their stage names if they ever blew up. Dream big if you wanna, am I right?” to which the table laughed and teased the two. As Joshua would learn, though they seemed threatening, the group of friends that all enrolled together were just as fun as they were loud. Seungkwan, the most vocal in the group, was the liveliest, often getting into arguments with Chan, who was in the same grade as them despite being a year younger because he started school early. Seokmin, who was the group’s jokester, would always laugh about random things. It seemed that Vernon was the quietest among them, but he too would join in the jokes and conversation. When they found out that Jeonghan was trying to go after Haeju, all of them burst out into laughter. “Hyung! Good luck with that!” Chan exclaimed, “Seok and Vernon already tried to flirt with her, and they got turned down. Really hard.” 

“Yeah dude she’s harsh, she even slapped me in the face!” Vernon added, rubbing his cheek to show where he’d been hit the day before. 

“Y’all are just jealous that I probably have a better chance with her than you dorks ever could.” Jeonghan snarked. Rejecting two guys in less than a week was an ominous sign for him, but his bravado still pushed him forward. 

“Well I wanna see you try,” Vernon laughed, lowering his hand, “I’ll even help you out!”

“Hell yeah man! Now you’ve got like five wingmen!” Seokmin commented, laughing and slapping Jeonghan lightly on the shoulder. The six of them continued to chat and joke around through the rest of the lunch break.

This is how Joshua’s days went. Breaks between classes would be spent gathered around his and Jeonghan’s seats, talking about random things like the latest dramas or games. Lunch would be spent at the same round table at the back of the cafeteria, which Jeonghan liked since he had a sightline of where Haeju and her friends were sitting. They found out that they all passed by the convenience store where the two of them got stranded on their routes home, so they would regularly stop there for a snack or a drink before going their separate ways. 

Through the weeks, they started to realize how much competition Jeonghan had exactly. Almost everyone in the class had a crush on Haeju, including even the class president Seungcheol, and vice president Soonyoung. It seemed to become sort of a competition for the boys in the class, with everyone vying for her affection. Though many of them didn’t get that far, like Wonwoo whose daily gifts of snacks and drinks would be left untouched on her table by the end of the day, she was more partial to others. She hung out a lot with Mingyu, the dreamy tall kid with wavy dark blue hair and a boyish handsome face. It was also known that she was into guys who played basketball, something that Seungcheol loved to flex his prowess at. Though Jeonghan was considered his equal at the sport, the varsity player class president was much more confident, not even hiding his attempts to flirt with Haeju. Jeonghan, on the other hand, was much less experienced, having never dated anyone in his life. After weeks of him not making a move, Joshua decided to take matters into his own hands. While all the boys in class were hostile to each other by default, the girls were more amicable and easier to get along with. Two weeks in, he was already acquaintances with most of them. He noticed that Haeju ate lunch alone with her close friend Chaeyoung, similar to how he and Jeonghan were during the first week. Dragging his best friend by the arm, Joshua walked over to their table. “Hi Josh!” Chaeyoung greeted enthusiastically as they approached, “wanna sit with us?” 

“Hey guys, this is my friend Jeonghan!” Joshua replied while gesturing to his flustered companion. “We’d love to have lunch with you two!”

“Joshuji what the hell are you doing?? I didn’t agree to this!” Jeonghan whispered under his breath.

“You ain’t getting anywhere if she doesn’t even know your name dude. Just relax and talk to her.” 

“Ugh, fine.” he replied begrudgingly and took his seat at the table. Joshua almost laughed at how nervous he looked sitting less than a meter away from the girl he had been gushing about since the start of class. He nudged the human sculpture under the table, prompting him to unfreeze and attempt at conversation. “Hi I’m Jeonghan. But Joshuji told you guys that already I guess…”

“Joshuji?? That’s so adorable!” Chaeyoung laughed, “I’m Chaeyoung and this is Haeju. No cute nickname for her though.”

“It’s okay, I think her name is pretty cute already” came his uncharacteristically bold reply, which startled Joshua and caused Haeju to blush, hiding her face. 

“It’s not all that cute,” she replied with a shy smile, trying to compose herself again. “Nice to meet you Jeonghan.” Their conversation continued through lunch and when they returned to their classroom, laughter erupted from Joshua’s group of friends. The other four, who had been watching from their table, were having the time of their life teasing Jeonghan for the rest of the day.

The next morning however, the group’s hopes for their friend were shattered when Seungcheol walked into class holding hands with Haeju. Jeonghan had been too late, and she was already in the palm of the president’s hand. From that day onward, she and Chaeyoung sat with him at his table with Soonyoung and Jihoon, who was their class’ treasurer. From that day onward, Jeonghan went back to staring out the window the whole day, lost in his own mind.


	4. I'll confess what's been on the tip of my tongue

Now with no more reason to put up a front, Joshua got his best friend to open up more and stop masking his feelings, making all their friends relieved to see that he was finally feeling more comfortable around them. The six of them would spend every weekend sleeping over in each other’s houses to the point that their parents always stock mattresses and blankets ready just in case five youngsters suddenly showed up at their doorstep one Saturday afternoon. Joshua looked forward especially to the weeks when either his or Jeonghan’s houses were nominated. Since they lived near each other, they were always early to those, having extra time to bond before the rest of their friends arrived. He enjoyed all of his friends’ company, but he always cherished the times when he got to spend time alone with Jeonghan. Though they’d only met that year, his now best friend would always bring a sense of comfort. They liked the same music, same shows, and could talk about anything at all. Maybe it was all the time he’d spent putting on a front to his American classmates, but Joshua had never connected with someone so deeply before. He couldn’t explain how he just felt safe, listening to that same angelic laughter. Jeonghan joked about his hobbies for sure, but it never felt as if he was being criticized for his quirks. “Is this that dumb astro lamp you were talking about before?” the visitor chuckled while looking through the random knick knacks in Joshua’s closet. He pulled out a small, dark blue globe from the pile of stuff. 

“Yeah, and it’s not dumb man!” Joshua sat up on his bed to look at his friend who was sitting on the floor. “Here, I’ll show you how it works.” He loaded a small disc into the globe then closed the room’s lights before flipping the switch to turn the contraption on. At that instant, miniature versions of the constellations appeared on the ceiling, the twinkling lights casting a dim glow on the soft blue wallpaper. 

“I’ll admit. Though it still is pretty dumb, it’s more stars than we saw that night at the start of school at least.” Jeonghan quipped, lying down on the soft, carpeted floor to get a better look at the lights dotting his best friend’s room. 

“Yeah, I wanna see the real versions someday though.” Joshua replied, taking one last look at his personal skyline before turning the lights back on. “Now put it back where you found it, I can hear my mom letting the others in.” He handed Jeonghan back the lamp, which the latter returned to its place in his closet. When the four barged into the room, the space that was once filled with glittering stars was now filled with loud conversation and laughter. Joshua wished everyday could be like this, sitting around with his best friends in the world, playing video games and drinking soft drinks. Eventually, things started settling down in class 1-A. With Haeju already taken, the need to compete was gone, and past rivals became best friends. Other couples started popping up, and much to everyone’s surprise, Jun and Minghao announced midway through the year that they had started dating. For a while people noticed that they were really close, but nobody expected that it was anything romantic. Mingyu joined Joshua’s group of friends, to which Jeonghan jokingly lamented that he wasn’t the blue-haired friend anymore. For once, Joshua didn’t have to hide his fondness of studying, now being praised for topping the class and being the one that his friends turned to for help with studies. Before Joshua realized it, a year had already passed. As soon as they were done with their last day of exams, the seven friends hurried out of the school to begin their break. They bid their temporary farewells, with each boy going back to his home city to spend the break with his family. Joshua was the only one left in Seoul, so he spent most of the time at home or at his ailing grandma’s house, taking care of her. 

As February faded into March, the seven boys met once again in Joshua’s house. “Ayaa, where’s Mingyu? Is he late again??” Chan complained. They had all been waiting for about thirty minutes for the newest member of their group to arrive, scrolling through social media on their phones while lying or sitting down in various spots in Joshua’s room. Suddenly, they heard a commotion through the bedroom door. “Hi Mrs. Hong!! Are the others here already?” came Mingyu’s frantic voice, the boy semi-running to the room where all his friends were. 

“Yooo chill out man, what’s the rush?” Vernon greeted him as he swung the door open, eyes wide. 

“You guys didn’t see Haeju’s post???” 

“HOLY SHIT!” Seungkwan exclaimed at the exact same moment, reading the status update on his screen. “Haeju just changed her relationship status, she broke up with Seungcheol???”

All of them were dumbfounded, staring at their long-haired friend brooding in the corner who was taking a moment to process what was happening. “Wait, what??” came Jeonghan’s confused reply.

“Hannie this is it dude! The moment you’ve been waiting for!” Joshua shook his best friend.

“What? No! I thought we established that I didn’t like her anymore!” the former protested, sweeping the hair out of his face and tucking it behind his ear.

“Shut up man, we all know that’s a lie. You think I don’t notice how you linger on her posts whenever you’re scrolling through Instagram? This is your chance to go get her, and it ain’t coming again anytime soon.”

The notion caused Jeonghan to become quiet, deep in thought. “Okay whatever,” he said after a pause, “let’s just not talk about this right now, okay?” His friends followed his wishes, and they shifted the topic to talking about how their break went. School started again a few weeks after, with familiar faces filling up the classroom that was a floor above their old one. Though Chaeyoung and Haeju were back to sitting on their own during lunch, Joshua thought it would be best to wait a while before making their move. After all, it wouldn’t be good if Jeonghan ended up looking like a vulture. He deduced they had time, since the other guys who were going after her last year had either gotten into relationships with other people or lost interest altogether. The next week, Joshua and Mingyu pushed him to go talk to the two girls during lunch, forcing him to take the initiative. “Hi Jeonghan” Haeju greeted him with a smile.

Despite the nauseating butterflies in his stomach, he mustered up the courage to speak. “Hi!” he said, a bit shakily, “do you guys maybe wanna sit with my friends and I?”

“Sure!” Chaeyoung replied cheerily, “we were just talking about how boring it was over here, right Haeju?”

“Uhh yeah, why not!” Haeju replied, picking up her tray.

“I can get that for you!” Jeonghan declared, taking the tray from her and leading them to the table where his friends were eating. “Haeju, Chaeyoung, these are Mingyu, Seokmin, Seungkwan, Vernon, and Chan. And Shua, but you already know him.” 

“Shua? What happened to Joshuji?” Chaeyoung joked, causing the others to laugh.

“How did that nickname start anyway?” Haeju asked, giggling as she took her seat next to Jeonghan.

“He thought my name was too boring so he decided to come up with random ones.” Joshua rolled his eyes. “Even insisted I call him Hannie, can you believe?” 

“Hey! You told me it was a nice nickname!” His best friend protested.

“So cute, it’s like you two are a couple or something!” Seungkwan commented, causing the flustered Joshua to elbow him while the others laughed. They continued chatting and eating, the other boys getting to know their new tablemates, while Jeonghan couldn’t seem to build the courage to say anything, much less eat. Joshua watched him repeatedly brush his hair over his ear and turn to Haeju, only to blush and look away, using his long locks to hide his face. He laughed to himself about how helpless he seemed. The two girls fit into the group pretty easily, since they shared a similar sense of humor and hobbies, and Joshua’s lunch table was filled up by now, something he never thought could actually happen at the start of his first year. He would repeatedly catch Jeonghan and Haeju looking at each other when laughing at Seungkwan and Chaeyoung’s jokes, and whispering into each other’s ears during conversations. Everyone would tease them, but they all also knew that a real connection was forming between the two. 

Staying past class time in school one Monday afternoon for a consultation with his teacher, Joshua told the others to go ahead. After an hour of talking over his idea for a research project, he finally got to pack up his things and start heading home. As he walked out towards the front gate, he turned and saw, in the school yard, Jeonghan and Haeju talking together under the old tree. It was like a scene out of a romance movie, the two figures bathed in the light of the setting sun, a gentle wind rustling the tree leaves and gently blowing their hair. He saw the smile on his best friend’s face, an expression that looked truly happy. Face to face with the girl he had been enamored with since day one, his eyes usually cold eyes shined in the orange glow, his nose scrunched up as he grinned and laughed his soothing laugh at all her jokes. Joshua knew he should be overjoyed, seeing his best friend finally achieving the goal that he was set on ever since their first day of school. But his heart felt different, why am I not happy?


	5. I got my eyes set on u

Joshua did his best to forget about how he felt that day, shoving the memory to the back of his mind.  _ I was probably just stressed about the project,  _ he thought to himself, searching for any reason that could possibly explain his feelings. That weekend, it was Jeonghan’s turn to host the weekly sleepover. Much to his best friend’s dismay, Joshua didn’t show up early. 

**Hannie SAT 3:09 p.m.**

Joshuji where are you?? Everyone’s here already

**Joshuji SAT 3:20 p.m.**

Sorry, I’m gonna be late. I just have to take care of something

He knew it wasn’t fair to Jeonghan that he was lying about being busy, but Joshua couldn’t even process his own feelings. After the incident, he’d been talking to his best friend less. Partially because the latter was spending more of his time with Haeju, but he’d also been avoiding any possible repeat of the feeling. Though he dreaded it, he knew he had to go to the sleepover soon, since it would be more suspicious to his friends if he suddenly bailed on them. Gathering his strength, he walked over to his best friend’s house, already trying to figure out a plan for what to do if the feeling ever came back. “Yo Joshuji, what took you so long? We’ve been waiting on you.” Was the greeting he got when he entered the room with rose colored walls. 

“Hey guys, sorry I just had to finish an errand for my grandma.” He replied, knowing that answer would stop them from pressing further.

“Well now that you’re finally here, it’s time for Jeonghan to tell us what the hell he’s been up to lately!” Seokmin declared.

“Yeah hyung, you only ever hang out with us at lunch now. And even then, you’re just talking to Haeju!” Chan commented, to nods and agreement from the other guys.

“Alright alright, don’t take it too personally you clingy kids.” Jeonghan raised his hands in surrender, “I guess y’all will be the first to hear it. Haeju and I are dating, I confessed to her just yesterday.”

At the declaration, the same sickening feeling from that afternoon rushed back. The raucous cheers of his friends sounded like they were miles away from Joshua, muffled as if he was drowning in water. “Congrats Hannie, I’m really proud of you.” Was all he got out through a forced smile, every fiber of his being was wanting to scream and get out of there. The rest of the sleepover passed in a blur, with Joshua trying to act as normal as possible while he grappled with the emotions he couldn’t even name. 

Eventually, he learned to suppress the emotion he now knew was jealousy. Jealousy that he was losing his best friend was what he concluded, since there was no other reason to feel that way.  _ I’m proud of my friend, I’m happy for him,  _ he continually told himself, until he got used to it living deep inside him, and went about his life normally. Though Jeonghan was spending more and more time with Haeju, Joshua supported him wholeheartedly, and cherished the moments when he got to talk to them. After all, his best friend’s smile whenever he was around her was incomparable, and that was more than enough for him. 

As Joshua lay in his dark room, the astro lamp turning his ceiling into the night sky, his phone lit up with a notification.

**Hannie THU 11:48 p.m.**

Yoooo have you finished packing for the school trip?

Joshua turned from his phone screen to the neatly packed duffel bag sitting by his bedroom door and chuckled. Their class was going to have a camping trip the next day, and just as usual, Jeonghan put off preparing until the last minute. 

**Joshuji THU 11:48 p.m.**

Yeah, why? You need help cramming it again?

**Hannie THU 11:49 p.m.**

Hehe, I’ll order us pizza if you do :>

**Joshuji THU 11:50 p.m.**

Okay fine, you better get my favorite flavor then

He and Haeju would always nag at Jeonghan to stop procrastinating, but he had already been expecting this text when the trip was announced. No way he would call over his girlfriend and put himself through a whole night of her scolding him. Joshua changed into some decent going out clothes and got his jacket, turning off his astro lamp as he exited the room. Though he hated having to rescue Jeonghan all the time, he would never turn down helping his best friend. Besides, there was food being offered. “I’m going out for a bit mom, Hannie needs help packing for tomorrow’s trip.” 

“Go ahead Josh, just don’t stay out too late!” His mom replied as he put on his shoes and exited the front door.

Though it would be summer soon, The June breeze was still brisk as Joshua walked along. There were a few stars in the sky again tonight, speckles of light standing out against a blanket of darkness. When he got to his best friend’s house, he saw just how much help Jeonghan needed. Clothes, toiletries, and other necessities were lying in haphazard piles on the carpeted bedroom floor, their owner a frantic blur darting around the house, blue-gray hair whipping around behind him. “Fuck thank god you’re here Joshuji! Can you help me put the stuff over there in my bag while I find my other stuff please!!” the wild-eyed teenager replied before darting off to another room to find something he had misplaced. It was a well-known fact that Joshua was way more organized than Jeonghan, so he went to work right away neatly folding the clothes and fitting them snugly into the waiting bag.

Thirty minutes of figuring out if everything was complete later, the two were sat down on the living room couch, small beads of sweat running down Jeonghan’s forehead. “See, this is what you get for not packing earlier dude.” Joshua said matter-of-factly, “you’re lucky I’m not Haeju or I would’ve shouted at you until your ears bled.”

“Yeah well I’m probably gonna get that tomorrow.” They both laughed, each biting down on a slice of pizza before Jeonghan’s phone started vibrating repeatedly, multiple messages rolling down his lock screen. From the hearts in the sender field, Joshua could tell it was from Haeju.

“Looks like you won’t have to wait until then!” he laughed before taking a sip of cola. 

“Yeah, be right back man, gotta try and deal with this I guess...”

Joshua continued laughing as Jeonghan walked off to his room, phone pressed anxiously to his ear. He could almost hear the sound of Haeju shouting at him through the phone, and it made him crack up. Maybe it was the fact that the guy put up a tough guy front when they first met, but Joshua always found it cute seeing him so uncharacteristically flustered. Jeonghan came back out a few minutes later, scratching his head and phone in his hand. “I don’t think she’s done yet… I’m probably getting part two in the morning.”

Joshua burst out laughing, eliciting a punch on the shoulder. “Well at least you’re finally ready for the trip,” he chuckled, standing up as he did. “Anyway, I gotta go get some rest dude. Don’t stay up all night watching anime again or it won’t be just Haeju smacking you on the head tomorrow.”

“Yeah sure, you know I’ll make it earlier than Mingyu anyway. See you tomorrow!” The two hugged before Joshua departed, walking back home. Though having to pick up after Jeonghan was always a hassle, the youngster smiled as he walked under the flickering streetlights. Moments like these, just him and his best friend, always made Joshua’s day. Though it wasn’t gone completely, the strange jealousy in his gut was covered up by a different, fluttering feeling.

As Joshua watched the city skylines transition into rolling fields through the window beside his seat on the bus, he was already making plans for the day. This trip was a welcome break from the rigorous academics they were dealing with, so he was gonna make the most of it. He’d never gone camping before, so he was looking forward to what it would be like to be fully immersed in nature. As he felt Vernon’s sleepy head slowly bob and fall onto his shoulder, he couldn’t help looking around for Jeonghan. For every trip their class had been on, the two always sat together. But now that he was with Haeju, things were different. Joshua shook the thought away and decided to get some rest, letting himself be lulled to sleep by the hum of the bus’s engine beneath him. He was awoken by their homeroom teacher announcing that they’d arrived at the campsite, and laying down the rules and tent assignments. Much to their pleasure, Joshua and the other guys in their friend group were all assigned to two tents that were next to each other. As they disembarked from the bus and took their bags, the nine friends walked towards the campsite, with Jeonghan and Haeju bringing up the rear. After a tour of the area they settled down into their tents, which were large enough to fit four people comfortably. The day was relaxing for Joshua, with the class partaking in plenty of fun activities like learning how to set up essentials for camping and swimming in the lake.

Later that night, Jeonghan found his best friend laying in a small clearing near the tents, the cool wind blowing the blades of grass around him. “Why did I expect you to be here?” He teased Joshua, lying down next to him.

“Well the park ranger did say the stars would be most visible from here.” The latter replied, turning to greet his visitor.

They both looked up at the sky. True to the ranger’s words, the view was beautiful. Unlike in Seoul, the dark expanse was filled with brilliantly shining stars, their twinkling glow making them look like diamonds scattered about. “She wasn’t lying,” Jeonghan commented, turning to rest on his elbow so he could look at his friend.

“Yeah, my astro lamp’s got nothing on this.” he joked, copying his friend’s pose. They both laughed, Joshua’s eyes lingered on his friend’s smiling face, listening to the angelic laughter that always made him feel at peace. “Not hanging out with Haeju?”

“She said she wants to hang out with the other girls in the tent. Besides, gotta sneak in some time for my bestie right?”

Unexpectedly, that last comment made Joshua’s heart flutter. He pushed away the feeling, changing the topic quickly. “I can’t believe we’re already more than halfway done with high school. Seems like just yesterday, you were snapping at me and staring out the window like an anime character.”

“Yeah,” Jeonghan laughed, “I can’t believe that we’ll be applying for a bunch of universities soon.”

“Where are you planning to apply?”

“I dunno, probably KNU, Haeju and I both decided on it so that we’d still be schoolmates. How bout you?”

“Same, I guess. I’ve wanted to go to UCLA since I was a kid, but I also don’t wanna leave my grandma here. My mom’s been telling me to apply though, just in case she says...”

“I think you should.” Jeonghan said to his friend, seriousness in his face as he locked eyes with Joshua. “If you don’t get in, that’s more justification to stay. And if you do, then you’ll have more options to choose from.”

“But my grandma, Hannie. And I don’t wanna leave you and the others too.”

“Joshuji, this is your future we’re talking about. What if you regret not following your dreams?” Joshua got quiet at the question, looking down at the gently waving grass. Jeonghan was right, and though he desperately wanted to hold on to the friends and memories he made, he still felt his dreams calling to him. “Besides,” his friend continued, “you know we’ll always be here to support you. I’ll always be here to support you.”

“Thanks man.” He finally replied, turning his head back up to look at Jeonghan. His face looked different in the moonlight, his sharp features highlighted by the ethereal light. Suddenly, his heart started racing, pounding in his chest as if it was about to burst. The strange feelings he’d been keeping in ever since that afternoon he saw his best friend under the old tree suddenly came rushing back. He couldn’t deny it anymore, this wasn’t jealousy or anything else. Though he’d never experienced it before, Joshua knew what it was. He was in love with his best friend.


	6. Even if it's scary, there's nothing wrong

“Woah… uhm, that’s quite the problem you’ve got dude.” was all Vernon could get out, still sitting dumbfounded on Joshua’s bed. Having just recounted the events of the camping trip from weeks ago and the realization that he was gay for his best friend, he was pacing anxiously around the room. Even though he was immediately sure of his feelings, it took him weeks to muster up the courage to tell anyone. Over a decade of growing up in the American public school system taught Joshua that the only thing worse than being different from everyone else was being gay. Though he’d never had a crush on a girl, he always faked the ladies man persona to make sure he wasn’t accused of it. He obviously couldn’t tell Jeonghan, and though he trusted all of his friends, he was never one to easily tell others such big secrets. He finally decided to tell Vernon first, since he was his next closest friend. “Honestly not that surprised though.”

“What does that mean?” Joshua questioned.

“Dude, it’s been pretty obvious ever since. You guys act like a couple all the time. Going to each other’s houses early for sleepovers, the cute nicknames, the way you look at each other. I would’ve been more shocked if you didn’t like him.”

“What? No dude, those aren’t couple things!”

“Well whatever you wanna call it. Are you planning on telling him?”

The mere notion gave him anxiety. “I can’t. Besides, he’s already with Haeju, I’m not doing anything to get between that.”

“Don’t you think it’s reasonable to at least tell him how you feel? You guys are best friends for crying out loud, he’ll understand.”

“I won’t risk it.” Joshua replied, head turned to the ground as tears welled up in his eyes. “Losing him is much worse than having to keep this secret for the rest of my life. Even if all I’ll ever be is a friend to him, that’s enough for me.”

Even though Joshua declared that, it was still the hardest struggle he ever went through. Every time he saw Jeonghan and Haeju together, holding hands and looking deep into each other’s eyes, he wished he had the same. His friend’s cute mannerisms now brought him pain, longing that could never be satisfied. He would have to endure this pain for a year and a half, but he kept it all in. Before he realized it, it was their last year of high school, and the nine friends were all preparing for college applications. Like his mother and best friend suggested, Joshua applied for a scholarship at UCLA, took the exams, went to the interviews. A month later, the nine of them were crammed into his small bedroom, all staring at his laptop screen. They were all looking at the same email in Joshua’s inbox, the bold font standing out against the sea of spam mail. The sender field read: “University of California, Los Angeles: Office of Admissions”. All of them knew that this was the email they had been waiting to see, and the tension in the room was so dense it could be cut with a knife. Taking a deep breath, Joshua clicked the title, and the message opened, the school’s logo emblazoned on the header. “Thank you for expressing your interest in UCLA’s arts program. After careful consideration, we have decided to accept your application.” At the sight of those words, the whole room erupted into cheering and yelling. Joshua found himself being hugged from all sides by the friends he spent his whole high school life with, the friends he would have to leave if he accepted the opportunity to attend his dream school. His mom stood in the doorway, arms open to congratulate her son after the teenagers had calmed down. Though he was happy, the news threw Joshua into a spiral. Assuming that he wasn’t going to be accepted even if he tried, he’d already made plans for college in Korea. Since all of his friends wanted to go to the same university, they’d agreed to be roommates. He was supposed to spend his college years sharing a room with Jeonghan, Vernon, and Chan, with the others nearby too. But here in front of him was the chance to pursue the dreams he had been set on his entire life. Though having to move to Seoul to care for his grandma put a wedge in his plans, he was still set on going back to America anyway. That was before he met Jeonghan, before he met the friends who would change his life. Though he would have to leave behind his family, his ailing grandmother, and the eight people that made him feel accepted in the world, Joshua knew that the younger him would be furious if he threw this opportunity away. He felt lost, caught between two worlds. Caught between the things, and people, he loved.

The rest of the year would’ve passed without a hitch, if not for the news that Joshua’s family had been both dreading and expecting for the longest time. Too weak to keep fighting, his grandmother passed away in her sleep from illness and old age. The group of friends attended the funeral, consoling the grieving family. Though nobody thought it appropriate to ask, they were all thinking the same thing. With taking care of his grandma off his conscience, Joshua had every reason to pursue his dreams of college in the US. When the last of their final exams were over and the nine of them walked out of the school gates for the last time, Jeonghan finally brought up what had been on everyone’s minds. “So, what are your plans now Joshuji?” was the question that had all of them stopping in their tracks, staring at Joshua.

“Were you guys really waiting all this time just to ask me?” He looked at his friends’ concerned faces. Though he was still apprehensive to leave the comfort that he had, he knew that he needed to take this chance. Vernon was the one who pushed him to do it in the end, saying that time away from Jeonghan might help him sort his feelings out. “I confirmed my enrollment for the fall semester last night. I’ll be flying out in a few months.” 

“That’s great to hear dude!” Jeonghan hugged his best friend. Even though he’d been dreading hearing those words for the past months, he was happy to see that Joshua was pursuing his dreams. Since all of them decided to start in fall, they had roughly six months before he was miles away. “You know what this calls for right? We gotta go on a trip before you leave us forever!”

All of them piped up at the suggestion. They were already teasing the idea of taking a trip to Jeju after graduation, but now there was all the more reason to go. 

The half a year he had left with his friends seemed to pass too fast for Joshua. Going out to movies, trying everything they could together, planning for the Jeju trip in each other’s houses. Sooner than he would’ve wanted, he was packing his bag to get on the ferry the next day, the last memory he could make with his friends before they were out of his reach. Neatly placing the last shirt he would be needing for the trip, Joshua checked his phone. To his surprise, the text that he had come to expect wasn’t on his lock screen.  _ He’s really putting it off until the last minute this time huh,  _ he thought to himself as he sat down on his bed and opened his device. The brightly smiling faces of his favorite people in the world greeted him from his home screen, bringing a sense of melancholy that was usually associated with the end of something. He waited about an hour, but the text never came. Joshua checked the clock on his phone.  **12:30 a.m.** Either Jeonghan had changed his ways and decided to pack early, or he’d fallen asleep.  _ He’s never gonna hear the end of it tomorrow, _ he thought to himself before getting up to turn off the lights. Bidding the constellations on his ceiling good night, Joshua closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep. 


	7. Where are u, my happiness?

Meeting at the convenience store where they always stopped after class, everyone could feel the tension in the air. Chaeyoung and her dad, who was bringing them to the ferry station in his car, hadn’t arrived yet. The moment they saw Haeju walking up to them with puffy red eyes, they knew something was up. Jeonghan had arrived a few minutes earlier, and the two were now standing on opposite sides of the group. Anxious glances were exchanged, but nobody wanted to comment on it, for fear of ruining their vacation before it even started. When their ride finally arrived, Jeonghan piled into the back seat next to Joshua, while Haeju sat in front. The usually lively group of friends was much quieter now, only exchanging a few jokes and stories between long periods of awkward silence. “You okay?” Joshua whispered to his seatmate.

“Yeah, I don’t really wanna talk about it right now though, sorry.” he replied before plugging in his earphones and closing his eyes. After a quiet ferry ride to the island, the two sources of the tension decided to speak up. “Sorry we didn’t tell you guys earlier,” Jeonghan started, “but Haeju and I aren’t together anymore.”

“We’re agreed to stay friends though,” Haeju continued, grabbing her ex-boyfriend’s hand to try and ease their shocked friends. “We just realized that we were going in two seperate directions.” All of them started asking questions about the details, but Joshua glanced at Vernon and saw the stare the latter gave him. He knew what it meant, but he didn’t want to entertain the thought that his friend was giving him. The group tried to put the tension behind them, proceeding with the things they had planned out. Starting with lunch at a cafe by one of the scenic beaches, the teenagers were back to their lively conversation, reminiscing about their high school days as the warm ocean breeze blew around them. Late in the afternoon, they hiked to Sunrise Peak, laughing at the irony in the name since they were about to watch the sunset from it. As the sun began dipping below the horizon, casting a deep orange light on the nine teenagers, Joshua was filled with a sense of sadness. “It feels like the sun setting on another chapter of our lives.” he mused.

“Goddamn Josh, we’ve always known you were dramatic but this is something else!” Seungkwan poked fun at him, to which the others laughed. 

“I really am gonna miss you guys though.” he looked at his friends sitting on the grass beside him, bathed in the beautiful glow of the fading sun. 

“You know we’ll always be here for you though. All of us are one call away Joshuji.” Jeonghan comforted, putting an arm around his best friend. Joshua looked at the man who changed the path of his life that one rainy day. Bathed in the same light he saw one afternoon under the old tree, Jeonghan looked more beautiful than ever. _You could cancel your enrollment, stay here in Seoul, be with him._ Joshua pushed the intrusive thoughts out of his mind, but the fluttering feeling his best friend never failed to give him still lingered. He wanted to profess his love, hug him, even kiss him, but all he could do was smile as the twilight faded into evening. 

“Thanks guys,” Joshua replied, wiping away the tears that were welling up in his eyes. “Anyway, I think we should head back to the guest house before it gets too late.” The friends stood up and collected their things, making their way back down the volcano. 

Back at the house, Chan wrested a pair of tongs out of his hands. “Just chill while we take care of dinner, hyung. Think of it as us paying you back for all the times you helped us with our homework.” Joshua relented, to which the younger grinned and went back to meal preparations. Barred from doing anything, he while his friends busied themselves in the kitchen. While Chan fried some chicken, Mingyu was slicing vegetables and Chaeyoung was boiling water for noodles. Seeing Haeju sitting quietly at the table, he decided to approach her. With her ex’s best friend sitting across from her, she shifted anxiously in her seat. 

“Relax, I’m not mad about what happened between you and Hannie.” Joshua raised his hands as if to signify his peaceful intentions, “just wanted to check up on you.”

“Oh, I’m okay I guess,” Haeju let her shoulders relax. “I wasn’t trying to hurt him or anything. We wanted to pursue different things, and I didn’t want to interfere with his plans, you know?”

Joshua nodded in understanding, knowing all too well how conflicted she must have felt. “Alright alright, time for dinner kids!” Mingyu’s voice boomed through the house as he set a steaming bowl of mixed noodles with vegetables, while Seungkwan brought out the bottles of soju that they bought at the convenience store. With the table set, nine friends sat down to eat and drink, their laughter and conversation continuing into the night.

As the drunk teenagers got ready for bed, Jeonghan walked up the stairs to the house’s rooftop patio where he found Joshua leaning against the railing, staring up at the sky. It was a cloudy night, and few stars poked out from behind the dark puffs. “Kinda reminds me of that night we were stuck in the convenience store.” he greeted as he leaned his back against the balcony, elbows propped up. 

“Yeah, I was kinda hoping for a nicer view out here, but I guess I got you instead.” he replied, laughing at his friend. They stared up at the night sky for a while before Joshua spoke up again. “Haeju told me about what happened.” He turned to his visitor, the moonlight falling upon his thoughtful face, mimicking the sunbeams the first time he laid eyes on this angelic being. _Yoon Jeonghan, it’s as if the sun and the moon are conspiring to make me fall for you,_ he thought to himself. 

“Oh, I see. Don’t get me wrong though, I’m not depressed over it or anything. She decided she wanted to study in Japan, and it was probably better to end it as friends than keep fighting later on.” Jeonghan turned to lock eyes with him.

“Just like always, she’s still the more reasonable one huh.” Joshua quipped, causing both of them to laugh. “Kinda funny though, the guy with no plans has a knack for attracting people whose dreams are somewhere else.”

“Fuck off man, I didn’t even know she was planning on it.”

“I’m not talking about her.” Joshua turned his body so he was now fully facing Jeonghan.

“What do you mean?” the latter replied with a confused expression, turning to mimic his friend’s pose.

“I guess if this might be the last I see of you, now’s the best time to confess… I’m in love with you, Hannie. I’ve been in love with you.” 

As the words left his mouth, he braced for the worst. Nobody aside from Vernon knew his secret, and he was scared of how Jeonghan would react.

“Joshuji…”

Joshua turned away, taking a step towards the door. “You don’t have to say anything, I just wanted to get it out before it was too late.”

“How come you never told me?”

“How could I?” Joshua raised his teary voice, turning to Jeonghan to see that his best friend was also on the verge of crying. “You’ve had your eyes on Haeju since day one. When I finally realized it, it was too late. And now that you two aren’t together anymore, I’m a week away from being in a different continent. Fucking ironic isn’t it? I guess I was never meant to be hap—”

Before he could finish his sentence, Jeonghan wrapped him in a tight embrace, both boys now crying uncontrollably. They remained quietly wrapped in each other's arms for a while, their weeps the only thing that could be heard in the silent night. “I wish you’d told me earlier,” Jeonghan finally broke the silence, “because I’ve felt the same.”

Joshua pulled away to look at his friend in disbelief before letting out a dissonant, spiteful laugh. “I guess the universe really does have us fucked up huh?” he spat. “What happened to liking Haeju?”

Jeonghan recoiled, hurt by his friend’s words. “I guess I liked her at first, but the more I got closer to you, the more I started catching feelings.” He turned his eyes downward, tears dripping to the cement floor. “I was so scared of being judged, I just tried to keep it hidden.”

“When did you realize it?”

“When I started spending more time with Haeju I think. I realized how much I missed you whenever we didn’t talk… so the same time as you, I guess?”

Joshua wailed, not caring anymore if the others heard the commotion. _If only I’d just fucking confessed like Vernon told me to…_ “Well that’s that then huh?” he said defeatedly, walking towards the stairs.

As he turned away, Jeonghan grabbed his wrist. Before he could react, the long-haired boy pulled him back into a kiss. Despite being initially shocked, Joshua’s wide eyes slowly closed, letting him get lost in the moment. Salty tears dripped into his mouth, but he was so caught up in the bliss that he couldn’t care less. In this moment, it felt like all the constellations were shining brightly in the night sky, their dazzling gleam bathing the star-crossed lovers. Though it felt like it lasted an eternity, it was over just as fast it began. “Yeah... that’s that.”

No more words were exchanged on that rooftop. The two descended the steps, and Joshua bid his best friend good night before entering his own room, the drunk Vernon passed out in his bed. He closed the door behind him. Sliding down to the floor and pulling his knees to his chest, he weeped into his arms. The next day, the two were silent. Nothing was said between them during breakfast, or on the ferry, or as they rode the car back home, or in the week that followed. 

As Joshua searched the drawers in his desk to make sure he didn’t leave anything essential, his fingers brushed over a polaroid tucked deep in the back. He pulled it out, and saw the smiling faces of two best friends, arms around each other without a care in the world. With a tear rolling down his face, he set it down on the desk and picked up his passport. He exited his room, his mother pulling him into a tight embrace. “I’m so proud of you Josh. Good luck out there okay? Just give me a call if you need someone to talk to. I love you”

“Thanks mom, I love you too.” She planted one last kiss on his forehead before he took his waiting luggage and exited the front door. After loading his things into the trunk of the waiting taxi, he looked over to see his friends waiting to send him off. Joshua counted seven of his friends, Jeonghan was missing. He sighed, but he was already expecting it. “Don’t forget to keep in touch okay?” Vernon said as he walked over to give him a hug, with the others following suit. 

“Yeah, and don’t go replacing us too quickly!!” Seungkwan added, slapping him lightly on the shoulder.

“If I’m ever awake when you guys are, I’ll make sure to message the group chat.” Joshua smiled as he waved goodbye to his friends.

As familiar neighborhoods transitioned into city districts, Joshua looked out the taxi window while remembering the many memories he’d made. He only spent three years in his home country, but so much had happened. Though the past few weeks had been more bitter than sweet, he was happy about all the things he’d been through. 

The taxi finally stopped at the airport, and after taking his bags, Joshua thanked the driver. Getting his boarding pass from the airline desk, he was about to go through immigration when he heard a familiar voice call out behind him.

“Joshuji!” Jeonghan shouted, out of breath from running through the airport. “Thank god, I thought I was too late.”

Joshua turned around to face him, a sad smile on his face. “You didn’t have to come all this way just to say goodbye, Hannie.”

“Yeah, well I just wanted to give you something before you go.” Jeonghan pulled out a small phone charm, a rose-colored star. “Since there’s barely any stars in LA, I guessed you’d need a little one extra. I found it while we were walking around Jeju.”

Taking the memento into his hand, he moved his thumb over it before looking back up. “Thanks Hannie. For the three years I got to spend with you.”

“Hit me up if you ever come back okay? Maybe then we could pick up where we left off.” 

Though the prospect seemed implausible, Joshua smiled. “Sure, I won’t forget.” He pulled Jeonghan into a tight hug, his face getting buried in the long blue hair that smelled like roses. “Plus I owe you a cup of coffee for this star.”

Jeonghan chuckled, “I’ll see you when that happens, Joshuji.”

“Yeah,” he returned, “goodbye, Hannie.”

He looked at Jeonghan one last time, and as Joshua stared at his best friend and the love of his life right before getting on the next flight to Los Angeles, he couldn’t help but shed a tear. 

As Joshua stepped into the fall night outside the LAX twelve hours later, he looked up at the sky. There were no stars in the big city, so he held on tightly to the one dangling from his phone.


End file.
